It's been a while since I blogged but I really can't make excuses for that now, can I? All you need to know is that since the last post, I've been extremely busy with work, side hustles, and coping with COVID. No, I'm not COVID positive, but right now, I'm experiencing symptoms (it's been 3 days) and drinking a lot of medicine to combat any more untoward effects of the virus (if I have it - my swab test came out negative though).
So yes, though I'm not feeling exceptional right now, I still wanted to blog... and since I had extra time in my hands to watch movies, I've decided to watch 3 unknown films (I think they're unknown?) and give them a review right here. (I've been resting properly so I didn't overexert myself to watch them.)
Disclaimer: Before we dive in, I just want to say that my standards for a good horror film might differ from yours, so if I say that I don't recommend that you watch it or that I hate it, if it sounds alluring enough to you, go ahead and decide for yourself. :)
School Spirits (2017)
Blurb: Uprooted from her Chicago home, Zoey soon discovers her new town is teeming with secrets and paranormal phenomena and one particularly devious spirit.
Okay, so from the start, I knew it was going to be kid-focused, something Disney might produce for Halloween or something of the sort. Knowing that, I had to level my expectations - and it was actually... kind of annoying.
Story-wise, it was a mix of "they're going way too slow" and "woah, wth just happened there?!" for me, as some parts literally had me itching to press the forward button while one or two needed a little rewinding. I wanted to give this movie a chance especially with the director being female, but it just lacked a certain something.
I don't remember where I heard Tiffany Alvord's (played Zoe, the lead) name before, but throughout the movie, it felt like I was watching someone being forced to act. If I had to choose which character's acting I could suffer through to the end, it would be no one's.
Tera (Piper Curda) and Morgan (Teala Dunn) both had their moments, but it just felt awkward watching them in most scenes. One character I almost tore my hair out watching was Jessie's (played by Audry Whitby). If there was ever a stereotypical portrayal of a mean, popular girl-bully, she'd be right up there with the others. They either over-acted or underplayed an emotion, which really affected how invested I got into the characters. I don't know if that's how the writers wanted each character portrayed on screen but man it was so bad.
Rating: 3/10 stars
Would I watch it again? Nope, 'cause I might find more things I don't like about it.
She Walks the Woods (2019)
Blurb: A group of friends filming an amateur survival Web series encounter the thing that’s responsible for over 1600 missing people in our national forests.
I'm not a fan of "found footage" type films, but to the style's credit, it quickly immerses viewers into the story-line. Now, when I chose this from my "to watch" list of random horror films, I had no expectations at all. It was only after I watched it and dug a little that I learned it was a crowd-funded project on Kickstarter. Pretty neat.
So story-wise, it's pretty straightforward and nothing new. A bunch of people seek out something in the woods and come across something out of this world. I even had a nice time snacking while watching the first half of the movie, before sh*t hit the fan. The acting was quite natural and reminiscent of college outings (though these people were way past that) and it was a good way to get the audience invested into their little group.
It starts going downhill for me though when the scares start happening. You'd think things would get more interesting from thereon out, but it doesn't. After watching the whole thing, I think it would've been more entertaining if they just kept the first half. As for the creature, all interest was gone once I saw how she looked like.
The end left me with, "that was...it?", unfortunately.
Rating: 2/10 (The '2' is because I liked the casualness of the first half)
Would I watch it again? Nope.
The End? In Un Giorno La Fine (2017)
Blurb: Claudio Verona is a young and cynical businessman. One day he gets locked in his office elevator before an important meeting with a client, and this annoying obstacle turns into a nightmare. For outside that metal cage, a deadly virus has begun to infect and transform people into extremely violent and dangerous zombies.
I love a good zombie movie now and then, so I decided to give this one a go. Well, I'm quite unsure if I enjoyed this movie as I spent most of the hour or so being annoyed and frustrated at the main character.
First of all, this guy was so rude, self-pleasing, and puts himself over others. He's a womanizer and fights his wife over a liter of milk at the start of the film (and I had to kick myself internally because I immediately thought 'Oh, he can't possibly drop by a store to get milk 'cause he'd be so worked after a day of meetings' 'cause it's on his way and he wouldn't die if he did it). Curse this patriarchy.
Everything else he did in the film made me want to gauge my eyes out and poke my ears with metal rods. Oh, there are zombies by the entrance to the elevator which you opened the doors a little bit to? Why not stand right in the middle with your back turned and answer a phone call? Wouldn't that be a bright idea? (I hope you can see my eyes rolling 'cause they're rolled about 20 times by now.) If the writers meant for the character to be stupid and moronic, they did the best job ever.
In case you haven't gotten the gist, story-wise, it's pretty engaging. I found myself waiting to see what idiocy the lead would do next. Makes for entertainment. (I actually laughed a few times in the film 'cause the level of stupidity the lead had was too good to be true, haha!)
If you're curious about how this guy's story unfolds, I suggest you give it a watch. I wouldn't label this as horror, but it's entertaining to say the least.
Rating: 4/10
Would I watch it again? There's a 20% chance I might.
Because I didn't want you to torture yourself with this other film, I'm adding it to this list as a bonus.
Brew House (2016)
Blurb: For its final episode, an urban explorer web crew heads to an abandoned brewery and ends up forced into a cat-and-mouse game with the ghosts inside.
If you're reading this blog and have this film on your watch list, save yourself the time and watch something else. If I could do something to take my time back, I would do it. Everything - even the characters' voices - annoyed the heck out of me. I had to ask myself multiple times while watching why I was still playing the movie.
The director's attempt at mystery and creating another "found footage" film was poorly executed to say it nicely. I'm sorry, but I've seen other films with the same style that are 200% better than this one.
I'd even watch the other three movies one more time instead of watch this one.
Rating: 0.5/10
Would I watch this again? I think you already know it's a hard NO.
So there you have it! If you feel like defending any of the films in the comments, please do so! Like I said at the start, we all have different standards and taste in what a horror film is. This is just my personal opinion. I'm sure these films have fans in other places (just not in this blog).
Any movies you want me to review next? Comment them below!
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