Cheers to the "Small Things"

This year has barely just begun and it already feels incredibly different. 

It used to be all about the hustle. The grind. The success. It was never enough to just celebrate the small victories. Back then, I wanted the glory and the praise of my peers. I wanted people to know I was somebody, not merely another part of the hoi polloi. 

It was all or nothing. 

And there was shame associated with not being "all that" in my 30's. My self-esteem had been on the rocks for years, so not having the "success" I had envisioned as a young girl was a blow to the gut more than I wanted to admit. 

It was only recently that I realized how insane it was to base my "success" on merits alone. Well, not realized, but more so understood. I had been chasing the world's version of success without considering the little things that made me happy.

I was fulfilled in so many other ways and now, I feel they deserve their own little spotlight. 

From PDD → Managed Spirals

One of the biggest improvements I've had in life was to be able to manage my PDD. A few years ago, I was diagnosed with having Persistent Depressive Disorder (PDD). Not that it was a shock - on the contrary, I had known I was dealing with dark thoughts since 2016, so this diagnosis was a confirmation. I never told my family, and I'm pretty sure it wouldn't change anything anyway. 

I thought I would have to deal with the darkness forever, but after talking to my psychologist and psychiatrist, I realized there was a way to manage the thoughts and the spirals. It took a while but I'm proud that everything is way better now. I rarely have those same thoughts anymore. My PDD isn't totally gone, but the effect on me is way, way less intense than it was before. It just happens in bursts every so often. 

If you're like me, someone with PDD and high-functioning depression, it GREATLY helps to talk to someone about what you're going through. If you can't open up to family or friends, seek professional help, a professional listener. It does lessen the heaviness and negative thoughts that constantly swirl in our head. Screw the culture of bearing the pain and suffering in silence. DO SOMETHING and get yourself out of it. You got this.

❌ Drive Off a Cliff   ✅ Drive to Live

Believe it or not, I never expected to be alive in 2026. I used to have a plan where, after my brother graduated, I would take my life. I had a list of ways to go, from taking pills, getting into an accident, and other more dramatic methods. It wasn't that I was romanticizing death - I just wanted my death to be quick but true to who I was. 

Fast-forward to 2025 and I gained a better reason to keep fighting and living. After some introspection, I realized I was more useful alive than dead in many ways. There were still people I could make happy, people I could help out, people that could have more comfort with me around. 

There are still situations that trigger these thoughts, but it seldom happens. I'm much happier now than I was 2 years ago, and I have a better will to live because of the right people. I may have had more money back then, but I'd rather be struggling financially than be riddled with thoughts of taking my life everyday. I'm with someone who treats me in the best way and who makes my life lighter and worth living. I'd never hurt him by taking my own life. :)

From Ordering → Cooking My Own Meals

At the start of the year, I made cooking more one of my smaller but long-term goals. I'm pleased to say that it's ongoing and I'm still enjoying it. (I cooked Italian-style spaghetti just yesterday.) While I have to spend more time prepping ingredients or thawing meat, it is much more fulfilling (most of the time) to cook my own meal. 

Of course, there are still days I'd rather stay in bed and just order breakfast, but for the most part, I've been cooking meals at home. The point here is to cook. Doesn't need to be fancy or complicated, but delicious and filling. I'm proud that I've been doing that for the first quarter of the year and I hope to maintain this throughout 2026.

From Zero Posts → Monthly Posts

We're. Still. Doing. This.

I'm willing myself to write at least one post a month to keep the ball rolling, and it hasn't been easy. Looking for something to write about often takes up most of my "writing time" when I'm staring at a blank screen, but the more I do it, the easier it's starting to get. 

All I need is inspiration. Time. Time management, haha. If you look at my archive so far this year, I'm putting out at least one post a month and for now, I'm pretty proud of that. Let's hope it starts becoming more frequent. 

What are your small wins this first quarter?